Don't pretend to be superwoman - share chores with your partner

Childcare is also crucial. But it’s not just childcare that keeps the work/lifestyle balance steady. Many professional women come from a background where we were encouraged to do something with our lives rather than ‘just look after children’. As a result, some of us have gone too far and almost forgotten, once we’d left the labour ward, that we have kids who still need us.

‘I hold my hands up,’ admits Penny, a 43-year-old management consultant. ‘I had a great nanny and a fantastic job which involved travelling. I’d often be away for a week and when I came back home, I just wanted to flop on the sofa and recharge before going to work the next day. My husband had a similar lifestyle at work so our kids ended up watching a lot of videos when the nanny was off-duty.’

In the end, much to Penny’s embarrassment, it took the nanny to point out the hard truth along with her resignation letter. ‘I was really upset when she said I didn’t spend enough time with my children but she made me question myself. I actually drew up a spreadsheet of times and activities to do with the children. I know that sounds rather formal but having a spreadsheet helped me to treat that mother/child time as something as important as work.’

Getting it right
You don’t always need to take such drastic action to get that balance. Simply leaving your laptop and mobile at home when you go on holiday, can do wonders for communication with you and the kids – not to mention your other half.  Also try to have some ‘chilling time’ at home during the weekends when you do nothing. It’s not lazy; it’s actually constructive.

Career and business coach Jackie Arnold advises setting boundaries. ‘Tell your children that you’ll be working upstairs between five and 7pm and that you can’t be disturbed between those hours.  But also tell them that at 7pm, you’ll be there for them. It makes it clear for everyone – and it should also act as a wakeup call for you so you don’t work past 7pm.’

Also, set a switch-off time for your computer at night – and stick to it. It’s frighteningly easy to work past your children’s bedtime and then realise they’re still up.

Use the answerphone more. When my kids were small and I was working full-time as a freelance journalist at home, I didn’t do this. Once, I had to take a vital call from the features editor of The Times just at the point when two of my children started yelling at each other. I cut her off; sorted out the row; and then rang her back, pretending I had ‘problems with the phone’. Soon after that, to my horror, I received a call from the Childline office. Had someone complained about me yelling at the kids? No. I’d forgotten that I’d placed a call there the previous day, needing a quote for a piece I’d written.

Try drawing up a ‘What I want to Achieve’ objectives list. Be honest with yourself.
Include ‘Getting to know my nine-year-old’ and ‘Not rowing so much with my 13-year-old daughter’ as well as ‘Getting promotion’.

Finally, don’t neglect your other half (if you still have him).  It’s all very well not forgetting the kids but remember how you got them in the first place.

Jane Bidder also writes fiction as Sophie King.

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