As a mother you will have gained the ability to communicate well, essential for meetings and training
|
Returning to the office after having children can seem like a daunting experience, but feel confident that armed with all the transferable skills you have gathered while bringing up the brood, you are a valued addition to the business world
At home, you’re the general of your own army. From checking homework and scheduling play dates, to mediating quarrels and organising holidays, the chances are you’re the one who multitasks the family into highly efficient order. But do you transfer those finely honed management skills to the office? ‘Many working mothers are hesitant to adapt their parenting skills at work for fear of standing out as “maternal”, and therefore somehow less of a corporate player’, says psychotherapist Taylor Glenn, whose specialism is workplace stress (www.a-littlehelp.com). ‘But it isn’t about coming across as the office “mother hen”. The wide and diverse range of skills women use with their children can really help their performance at work, increase efficiency and lower their stress levels. Women often feel they should check their “mum” skills at the office door, but this is a sure-fire way to miss a trick in the workplace.”
In fact, because working mothers are so accustomed to living a multi-stranded life, their sheer flexibility can be their greatest strength in business. Life coach Glynis Kozma (www.aspire-coaching.co.uk), who specialises in career-related coaching, says, ‘Many women have spent their lives adapting: from career woman to parent, to a mixture of both, and all the inevitable compromise that brings. This adaptability can be useful in the workplace: career women who are also parents are always prepared to try something new, to see if there is a better way to do a task or reach a solution, rather than sticking with the tried and tested, or going with the consensus view.’
Multitasking
The first step is to acknowledge that your skills at home can be valuable in a business setting, and analyse how the two can be linked. This is key to boosting your own confidence levels at work too: your skills are already there, just learn how to bring them to the fore. Confidence coach Eve Menezes Cunningham (www.applecoaching.com) says, ‘Many mothers take for granted the skills they’ve learned through parenting and wouldn’t dream of putting them on a job application or using them at work. But think about it. You’ve had to become an excellent manager to keep everything under control at home, and that’s universally what works in every form of business.’
Multitasking is, naturally, the first thing we think of when it comes to skills that cross over from home to office, but there are many more that working mothers can harness to great effect. Take communication, for example. Most mums are masters of semantics, whether that’s conquering the art of trend-driven “teen-speak” or using clear, correct language with a toddler. Glynis Kozma explains: ‘Working mums often use language more effectively and are inherently better at communicating, because they’re used to having to say things several times over to children, often in different ways. This means that in the workplace they avoid management-speak and confusing jargon and make sure everyone understands what they mean, often checking that they have made themselves clear and understood. It’s a perfect skill for meetings, training and delegation.’
Crisis talks
The ability to stay calm in a crisis is another “mother” skill that serves businesswomen well. ‘Which mum has not been faced with a screaming toddler, two ringing phones, an older child asking for help and a washing machine that has decided to pack up?’ asks Kozma. ‘But “instant prioritising” is a skill parents learn early in order to dissemble chaos, and over time it can become second nature. It’s about moving swiftly to a solution, with minimum fuss. It can be a valuable business skill that makes you stand out from colleagues who may not deal quite as calmly with a pressing deadline or project gone awry.’
One way to transfer your parenting skills to work is to try to think of the things you do every day with your children in terms of business tasks. So, for example, hurrying everyone along to get ready for school can be seen as being deadline-focused. This brings your full arsenal of skills into focus, making it easier for you to call on them and giving your confidence a boost too. ‘There will be lots of skills you take for granted,’ says Eve Menezes Cunningham. ‘Kids are the best sales people in the world, because they rarely give up, so your negotiation skills have probably become much tougher. You’re also teaching and mentoring every day. What about time management? Even if you don’t feel as if you have much time at all, you’re probably fitting far more in than you were before becoming a working mother.’
Beating the stereotype
It’s these well-honed management skills that are central to a working mum’s CV. ‘Being a parent sharpens a wide range of “soft skills” including effective interpersonal communication, the ability to negotiate, and compassion’, argues Bernadette Kenney, a chief career officer at Adecco. ‘These same skills are crucially important to being both a successful leader and team player in the office, better enabling parents to navigate both domains.’
While there’s no doubt there are crossover skills between parenting and business, we should be careful not to assume that because a woman is a mother she will bring traditionally “maternal” abilities to work. That’s often how prejudice starts. ‘The most frequent “working mother” stereotype is that they are now no longer dedicated to their work or as ambitious’, warns Nic Sale, Head of Diversity at business psychology firm Pearn Kandola. ‘In fact, research suggests that if flexible working opportunities are offered, then working parents tend to be more committed, because it strengthens their psychological contract with the organisation.’
Of course, stellar performance at work is about being as capable as you can be. Identifying and adapting some of the skills you use as a parent to your workplace can boost your productivity, and your confidence in the job, too. Ultimately, it’s the well-rounded worker who always triumphs. ‘Working mothers are unlikely to suddenly be better at their job simply because they have had a child,’ says Nic Sale. ‘What they are likely to bring though, is a better sense of perspective.’
Louise Elliott, BBC journalist and presenter, is married with two daughters, aged 12 years and 13 months, and a stepdaughter aged 8.
‘Having children definitely changes you – even at work. Before I had my first child, I spent years doing unnecessary extra hours in the newsroom, and was the first to volunteer for foreign assignments. Now, I have to make sure arrangements are in place to care for the girls, so I’d say the biggest thing I’ve learnt from having children is organisation. At home I have to be very organised because my children range in age from 12 years to 13 months, so they have very different lives and all need me in different ways. I use these skills at work all the time, and I’m much better at prioritising what’s actually important and needs doing immediately, and what isn’t and can be left for another day. I also think I’ve become much more patient at work since having children. Now, because life with kids never turns out how you plan it, I’m more relaxed at work, happier to share my experience with others who are starting out and I’m more nurturing than I would have been in the past.’
Kathryn Roberts, partner at international law firm Eversheds LLP, is married with two daughters, aged 10 and 3.
‘I think working parents can definitely transport some great skills from the nursery to the office.
Good time management has got to be top of the list, but on the whole being a parent does also seem to help your business communication skills. That can just mean getting to the point without waffle or conveying a message simply (because you have ample experience of making it clear to your toddler that sticking her finger up her nose or in an electrical socket is wrong!). I think that being a parent helps put difficult situations in the workplace into perspective. Your job is important, even more so at the moment, but when you have kids you have a constant reminder that it’s not the most important thing in the world.’
How to make five fantastic “mum” skills work as well in the office as with the kids.
1. ACTIVE LISTENING
It’s easy to let time constraints prevent you from really listening to staff and colleagues, but problems don’t get solved that way. As you would with a child, try to encourage them to talk, as this is the fastest route to a resolution. See them privately, ask open-ended questions, don’t dismiss or deflect the issue, show empathy, and summarise what they’ve said to demonstrate you’ve really understood the problem.
2. STAY CALM IN A CRISIS
Everyone’s facing tough times right now, but the trick when things get challenging is to stay focused and not lose sight of the big picture. Parents become adept at hiding their fears and making snap decisions when a crisis hits at home, so when things get difficult at work employ the same model to keep your concentration: assess the problem, prioritise what needs to be done, delegate tasks and keep anxiety in check.
3. ADOPT A YOUTHFUL MINDSET
Any parent of tweens or teens knows that every day brings a new phrase, trend, technology or fashion. Embracing change is essential to keep the lines of communication open with your child, so try bringing that approach to work, whether it’s in new marketing ideas, social networking platforms, IT developments or staff structures. An open mind is a productive and progressive one.
4. LEAD BY EXAMPLE
Your children look up to you for guidance, leadership and strength. So does your team at work, albeit less openly. Leadership skills are often forgotten in today’s touchy-feely workplace, but they’re vital if you want to keep your team motivated. Give constant feedback, stay available to staff and lead by example, demonstrating best practice as often as you can.
5. RESOLVE CONFLICT
Next time colleagues clash, think of arguments between children: chances are there will be lots of similarities. Both want to express themselves and dominate the other and both are feeling thwarted and frustrated. The answer is to listen to both sides, find the nub of the problem and search for a compromise… then ensure that both sides agree to move on.
By Sarah Drew Jones
COMMENTS
Anti anxiety medication
2009 11 03
I am working full time and taking college classes and don’t have much time to exercise. I can’t quit my job, I can’t drop any of my classes, and I do get an adequate amount of sleep. How do I reduce my stress level now because little things are starting to piss me off and annoy me that didn’t bother me before.
Anti anxiety medication
ADD YOUR COMMENT
|
Win an aromatherapy massage!