It is a myth that older people no longer crave the intimacy that comes from a vibrant sex life. Whether you are in your 50s and find yourself newly single, or a partner in a 40-year marriage, a lively sex life can offer plenty of rewards for both your physical and psychological health. While your body will have changed since your 20s, you may find yourself more confident as you grow older and are finally liberated from the unrealistic ideals of youth. Without the immediate demands of your career and a young family, many couples are better able to relax and enjoy one another’s intimate company without the old distractions.
In addition to bolstering yours and your partner’s relationship, an active sex life also has plenty of health benefits:
- After sex, your body releases the same ‘feel-good’ hormones (endorphins) that are released after exercise, which can help to reduce anxiety.
- Energetic sex burns fat.
- Research shows a link between how often you have sex and the strength of your immune system. One study* found that students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of Immunoglobulin A than those who had no sex at all.
- Anything that gets your heart rate going—including sex—is good for you. Sexual arousal increases the number of heartbeats per minute, peaking during orgasm.
As you grow older, letting go of your old expectations of what a healthy sex life ‘should’ be can be a great help. Try to remember that while physical limitations may present a new challenge, with a little bit of creativity and open-mindedness you can open the door to a whole new realm of pleasure.
Here are a few of Dr Hilary’s tips on how to stimulate your sex life:
1. Good communication with your partner is key. If you’re self-conscious about anything, discussing it with your partner is an important first step to resolving the issue and building your confidence.
2. Sexual arousal is always much easier when you are relaxed. Set the stage for your love making with a romantic dinner, gentle music and scented candles.
3. Don’t be shy about touching your partner. Hold hands and cuddle as you talk about the sexual experiences you would like to share with one another before taking a bubble bath together. You could even give your partner a sensual massage to get him or her in the mood.
4. As you age it might take a little longer for you and your partner to become aroused, which makes foreplay all the more important. Touching, kissing and other intimate contact like this can be just as rewarding as intercourse.
5. Older adults might find that the same sexual positions they enjoyed in their 20s and 30s are no longer comfortable. However, this is good news because it means you have the chance to get creative and experiment with new positions.
6. Infuse a little spontaneity into your sex life by switching up your routine and having sex at different times of day. If you are retired, mornings that were once spent rushing for work and getting the kids ready for school can now be spent enjoying your partner’s company.
The Sex Checklist
- Candles create a soft and romantic atmosphere. What is more, the dim flicker of candlelight is also more flattering than bright ceiling lights if you aren’t feeling as body confident as you did in your 20s.
- Confidence is sexy, so do things that make you feel good about yourself before having a romantic evening with your partner. Get your hair done, put on some new perfume or even buy some sexy lingerie to get things going.
- For women, symptoms of the menopause can sometimes make sex uncomfortable. A water-based lubricant can go a long way in alleviating any discomfort during intercourse. Alternatively, hormone replacement therapy can reduce the effects of menopause, and is a possible option that can be discussed with your GP.
- It is common for older men to experience problems maintaining an erection. If it is prescribed by your GP, stimulant medication such as Viagra could help boost your sex drive. If you are keen to try out herbal remedies, Maca root is said to improve sex drive and can be taken as a regular supplement to your diet.
*Psychology Report, 2004.
See also: Intimate Health Procedures
