Both ChildLine and The Silver Line have helped to combat many callers’ problems, helping when they feel they have no one to talk to. Have you always been motivated to help other people, or has the motivation usually developed through your own personal situation, as with The Silver Line?
ER: I’ve always thought that as I’m Jewish, (and because no Jew is in this country by accident, we’re all asylum seekers originally) asylum seekers are always aware of what they owe their country of adoption, the country that has provided a refuge. I think that feeling of gratitude and wanting to give back the kindness and generosity you have received may be part of our DNA.
Perhaps it’s in your genes. So, with our progressively aging society, do you think loneliness is likely to become an increasing problem for what we might hope is a caring society?
ER: It’s interesting, isn’t it? There was a time when the oldest members of the family were living with the family. They would be surrounded, by the noise, the laughter, the tears, and the chat of family life. But it’s not the way we live these days. The constant phrase we hear from Silver Line callers is ‘I don’t want to be a burden’.
So you think the change in society, and how families live these days, causes older people to feel like a burden to their children?
ER: I think there’s a very interesting tension between loneliness and independence. People are wary about giving up their independence and moving into sheltered housing or a retirement village, where they do get the company of other people but they may have limited space. So these days, as people get older, they prefer to live independently for as long as they can. I’m not sure it’s sensible.
See also: Coping with Dementia
So do you think loneliness will become an increasing problem?
ER: Yes. It exists across every age group. Children often find that social media creates the illusion that everyone is popular, beautiful and having a terrific time except you. It can exacerbate the loneliness of children who perhaps have nobody to talk to about the things that worry him or her, except Childline. But certainly people who are used to being needed, and the centre of family life, and then everything slowly retreats from them can feel this tremendous sense of loss, which I equate with loneliness and is becoming more and more common.
I wonder if you would agree that better recognition by young people can help improve loneliness in older people—perhaps, for example, by making more time to visit their elderly relatives?
You can be lonely in many different kinds of circumstance. I think we all need to be aware of loneliness and the stigma of admitting to loneliness. We did a survey around Christmas time of our Silver Line callers, and the phrases that came up repeatedly (besides ‘burden’) were: ‘They’re so busy’, ‘My family is so busy’. I think people need to ask themselves, what is the priority in my life? Do I have to be this busy? You may not have unlimited time to enjoy the company of the older people in your life … you may not have infinite time to have that conversation, to share that joke.
And of course it’s the loss that causes the loneliness, to a large extent …
ER: For the older callers [to The Silver Line] it can be the loss of a partner, loss of a job, loss of mobility, loss of a driving license, loss of sight or hearing … there are many different types of loss. But I think that once you’ve felt a loss, particularly of a partner or family member that can lead to the vacuum in your life we call loneliness.
See also: Heritage Homes
How difficult was it to get the national recognition that The Silver Line now has?
ER: I think the time was right. People had begun to look at the physical impact of loneliness. The Department of Health had woken up to the fact that loneliness is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and more dangerous than obesity as a life-threatening condition. Then, when I went to Comic Relief and the National Lottery with the idea of a Silver Line helpline, confidential, free and open 24/7, they could see the point. But I have found that [the plight of] older people doesn’t tug on the heartstrings in the same way that children do, so getting donations from the public is much harder. We rely on philanthropic individuals, organisations, and grant-making foundations.
I do think that loneliness amongst older people is beginning to be understood as something that is having an impact on the Health Service and the mental health services as well.
From your point of view, are you pleased with what The Silver Line has achieved so far, or is there a lot more to do?
ER: There is a lot more to do. I would love doctors to have The Silver Line Helpline number posted on their notice boards, leaflets in their surgery; I would love community nurses to refer people to us; I would love the pharmacists handing out repeat prescriptions to older people to include information about The Silver Line—not because it makes us money, it doesn’t, but because it does enable isolated older people to recognise they can ring us any time of day or night for a chat.
Looking ahead, do you have new initiatives for The Silver Line?
ER: We have. If people have hearing-impaired patients, or friends, or family who would like to receive a letter or two every month—we’re starting up Silver Letters. We have volunteers who are very happy to write and exchange letters and we think this would be particularly valuable to people who can’t use the phone service.
The Silver Line helpline is free, confidential and open 24/7: 0800 4 70 80 90 or vist thesilverline.org.uk
